Life moves on!!!!!!

As i sit here living every day and seeing what the world holds for me in this thing we call life, i see that it is what we make it, i sit for so very long feeling sorry for my self and now i see the time i've wasted being stupid. I look out at the storm and see the rain is not so bad after all, so many things we over looked in life, always felt i had to be with some one to be compleat, now i see that in life all we need is to be content with ones self, not don't get me wrong love is grand but not all it's made out to be. No one ever seems to be happy with one another, seems the grass is always greener some were else in life, seems like you will never be good enough no matter what you do, but i say shit to that, if they can't learn to help each other then they had no insite in the first place, everyone live's behind the walls to pectect them selfs from each other, when is someone going to stand up and start living life instead of hiding from it. Life is wonderful at times and if you take the time to look inside your self its all in side you, yea its nice to have some one to share it with but you can do it by your self if you want to..After being single for almost 2 years it made me look at my self and see the things inside me that haunted me and made me be the way i was, i over looked the things that should have been important in life to me.. but in the light of a new day i see i'm better off with the way things worked out or i would have never seen what i was doing in life, but me i'm a work in progess to see how much i can make me whole and to live life and see were it leads me and knowing which road to travel for me.. but i'm happy with me and the things i do in life, i watch my kids grow and see there life's move own with me here to see it and thats enough for now, nothing in life last forever so be happy with the little spot you have, i live, i learn, i see, i touch, i breath, life's good for now enjoy it all, live like the day is your last on earth, never know were you might wake up next....Eddie

I'm here, still screming in the dark!!!

Days move on and life goes by but i still keep on trucking on day by day, today was hot had to get up a 5am and go service trucks, then put a fuel pump in a 2002 tahoe so was a busy day and still found time to help a friend swap tires on his car. Each day gets better for me as i find me more and more, Its always seems to be lost to me why we never have fun any more, why else are we here, to do the best we can and enjoy what we make for our selfs in life, to help each other live life the best we can with what we have, to smile at all we find wonderful in life, to touch and feel in life, the heart closes and we become so lost in this world, we work to build a life and then never enjoy it, why not just smile and say well i did the best i could and thats enough for now.. In the past i worried about such stupid shit in life, i was looking for some one or something to make me happy but it was inside me all the time, all i had to do is find it agine, lost but not forgotten, I might not be the best looking or the riches or drive the best cars but i'm happy for what i have and i feel happy inside at this point in life so what the hell, i stole this picture at a site i read all the time loved the way she is heading for the gate..Well guess i ragged on your ears long enough for now ,,,chow

good day

another good day here slowly cleaning out my back yard and getting me stright and thats all i can do... their comes a time in your life were you see what is important in your life and what is not and thats were i'm at right now, i saw this picture and though it fit my mood plus love the water with the hills in the back ground, i'm good and getting better by the day , trying to quit smoking and that is going well only had 2 today got the patch on so wired as all hell, and tuesday i plan to smoke none need to start working out so i don't put on weight so fast and see if i have more get up and go power.. but gone from two packs to just 2 proud of my self, will see how it goes, but hope all is well out there in blog land and hope to spend more time on here soon... to all have a wonderful night...eddie

the close of another day

Well the end of the day comes once agine, but it was a good day , worked hard and made money so can't complain much, would be better if i felt i was doing more in life but do the best i can for now, soon things will be set right and i can move on in till then i will get by.. look forward to a new life...eddie

Still here!!!

Armed with a closed heart and a cold out look on the world i still wake up every day and look upon the world and see all the wonderful things here, as i walk out side into the cold i see the wonder of color in the land, every thing is blooming, the sky is so very blue with white cloulds blowing by, the green of the grass on the ground, the smell of the new everywhere puts a smile on my face, its nice to see that no matter what happens around me that a higher power still cares to change the world and make it all new agine..Been working hard on life and understanding the feeling i carry every day, at times i'm lost and need two loving arms to hold me tight in the dark and then i'm a loner facing the world and being strong, but every day brings new wonderful things to see, slowly i find me and get on track . but all in all i'm happy with me and glad god put me here to face the world, he's got my back.........eddie

Somewhere I Belong..

I've sit here now in my little pretend world for over a year now telling myself things will work out, but i see now i have just been telling myself a lie, i sit here day in and day out numb, cut off from the world, I want to feel, to heal, to live agine, to be held agine and loved, to be close and feel a heart beating next to me, to look in someones eyes and know they love me. For so long now i have spent my whole life just staying were i felt safe even when i knew i would get hurt. I'm 49 now and starting to beleive what my mom told me so many years ago, she knew what i would not see in life. She told me that their was no place for me in this world, that i did not belong in todays time line, and i feel she was right, the more i look at my life and what i wanted i see that nothing worked out the way i want it to, the only thing i feel good about is my kids, 4 of them i helped to raise, but they are wonderful kids that are so very speacel in their own way, and i love them dearly. but the rest of my life and the love i wanted never came to past, i've always been the on the outside looking in , seeing every one find such love in there life's, people i watched share there love with one another but i could never seem to find that hidden love in my life..

I come to a cross roads in my life were i can look at myself and see the cruel joke that life has played on me, every thing i wanted to find just passed me by or i fucked it up. I get up every day and have to fight off the depression inside just to get out the door, and i tell myself it can only get better but it never happens, i'm tired of fighting and ready to end this war inside myself, only god knows why i'm here any more, and we seem to have not talked in a while. I really seem to be at a lost place right now, i've looked at my demons in my darkest place in my mind and they look back at me with hate and tell me its to late to save myself, but life goes on and on, I have alot of work to do on me, i sit here feeling sorry for my self ands its time i got off my ass and told the world to fuck off, i've be alone most of my life any way but it would be so nice just to feel loved of only for a moment in life, intill then i'm here, i breath, i see, i feel, sorry my life is so boreing, i keep feeling like i'm letting some one down, me......, i beleave in me i will survive if just tell the ones that hurt me to bite me...eddie

I'm Alive

Yep i'm still alive, sorry to let you know that, know some people wish i would fall off the face of the world but what can i say, things are good and just working on life and cars trying to find my way in the world like everyone else, thought i would start bloging agine and see if i can do better at it, need something to put my spare time in, hope to see you all soon...eddie