Well another working sunday, have trouble trying to keep my mind on the things i need to, a lot of things i just don't understand right now(stupid male thing) but i seem to get by, i feel like this little kittie at times, i tryed to make a life but it got fucked up, guess i was just not worth trying to make a life with. brat goes out of town soon and i look forward to the time with out her here, tired of seeing her giving hugs and telling people she loves them when there's nothing for me, just work and bring the money home is all i feel i'm good for any more, sucks at times. At times i just want to fade away off the face of the earth, but there are many things i love here, I guess if i understand what the hell is going on i could move on, but maybe in time, what i need is a good fast ride, its been a whild since i fired the hog up.
I really love our home and where it is but the strain of being here with her is making it were i don't even want to be here, thinking about a big shed sale and moving on, have had a few people tell me they need room mates hell never know, my home has become a place of lost hope and dreams, broken words, and lost souls, I am just so tired of feeling like such a loser, i know i'm a good person and a lot of people love me but the one i want the most is on some kind of new life so the hell with the old and in with the new.. guess i should have knew this was coming but i held on as long as i could, stupid of me but what can i say and now i'm in the same boat as her x husband, i use to laugh at him but now i know just how he feels, maybe i should start stuffing coke up my nose like him, But thats not me, Don't like drugs of any kind, but the next time i see her x i will tell him i'm sorry because i now know how he must of felt, but on a happy note things are fair in side me, the sooner i move on the better..
The thing i really miss the most is being in someones arms, the closeness, but its been a long time since we shared any thing, as i climb out of this pit i have put myself in i feel a new world open but sad to lose the old one, i see many things i have passed by for a long time, i meet new people all the time, just need to start doing things for me and my kids now, working on my home and making it a home for me and the kids, need to start painting agine and fixing, thinking about changing my bed room, want something new, something of my own with a door, not a walk threw, have many things i want to do but have to wait intill she finds what she wants to do, she told me i could keep the house for me and the boy but things change so who knows what will happen day to day... Once in a life time you find someone you really want to spend the rest of your life with and i just always seem to pick the wrong ones, will be content to be by my self with just friends in my life, have many things i want to do and see, want to teach the boy to ride my bike, he's never really been on a ride, felt the wind fly by a 90 miles an hour and to see all the sites along the ride, nothing better in life any more, in time that will happen, need to find him a small bike to learn on and then open road calls, well got to go, have paper work to do, will be back soon, to all have fun or die trying to......Eddie
