Merry Christmas

Well another one comes and goes, and it was a good one, kids did good and all went well, abram had his first one and did well, abram is my sons bull dog, he had fun.. this will be the last one with all of us together in one house but thats life and it moves on so i must move with it, 2010 will be a good year and the first time i have been on my own since i was 19 years old, i look forward to it just being me, and of course my big dog and cats, well to all out there in the blog world i wish you the best day ever...eddie

Time for a new day!!!!!!

Well as the sun rises over a dark night it's time for me to step into the light and see the day for what it is, for the last 4 years i have sit and put my head in the sand waiting for god knows what,its time for a change in life and it starts with this blog, I'm tired if the Winnie shit i write about a past lost, I'm tired of living in a dream world that is not real, its time i pull up the old pants and kick a few ass's, i know a lot of people look at me as a peace of shit and all i have to say on that is don't look!!!!!!!

At the age of 51 i look forward to being just me again, since i was 18 i have always had some one to take care of in life, well now its just me and dam I'm going to make the most of it,got my dog and cat and that's all i really need, they say in life all works out for a reason well i see that now, i would Rather live alone than to live a fake life, my fat cat keeps me warm at night, well lets see how all this works out to all have a wonderful night...Eddie

Been gone awhile!!!!!

Well lets see if i can still do this, been gone a long time, missed every one but really needed to take a good look at me and fix alot of things in my life, i had the worst out look for a long time and had to slap myself and open my eyes to life..

Single is not so bad as it seems, life still move on just have to stay the course and make it count, still miss two loving arms but happy with me now and were i'm going in life, not perfect but good, i see alot of the blogs i read have not been doing so good , most just gone now, but i like my blog and it is a track of my life, maybe one day it will help someone to find there way in life or help them to see that no matter were life takes us you just have to smile and keep on living life to the best we can, there are so many things we never see in life, open your eyes see what life has to offer and grab on and hang on tight what you seek is there, well let me run for now to all peace and love...Eddie

Life moves on!!!!!!

As i sit here living every day and seeing what the world holds for me in this thing we call life, i see that it is what we make it, i sit for so very long feeling sorry for my self and now i see the time i've wasted being stupid. I look out at the storm and see the rain is not so bad after all, so many things we over looked in life, always felt i had to be with some one to be compleat, now i see that in life all we need is to be content with ones self, not don't get me wrong love is grand but not all it's made out to be. No one ever seems to be happy with one another, seems the grass is always greener some were else in life, seems like you will never be good enough no matter what you do, but i say shit to that, if they can't learn to help each other then they had no insite in the first place, everyone live's behind the walls to pectect them selfs from each other, when is someone going to stand up and start living life instead of hiding from it. Life is wonderful at times and if you take the time to look inside your self its all in side you, yea its nice to have some one to share it with but you can do it by your self if you want to..After being single for almost 2 years it made me look at my self and see the things inside me that haunted me and made me be the way i was, i over looked the things that should have been important in life to me.. but in the light of a new day i see i'm better off with the way things worked out or i would have never seen what i was doing in life, but me i'm a work in progess to see how much i can make me whole and to live life and see were it leads me and knowing which road to travel for me.. but i'm happy with me and the things i do in life, i watch my kids grow and see there life's move own with me here to see it and thats enough for now, nothing in life last forever so be happy with the little spot you have, i live, i learn, i see, i touch, i breath, life's good for now enjoy it all, live like the day is your last on earth, never know were you might wake up next....Eddie

I'm here, still screming in the dark!!!

Days move on and life goes by but i still keep on trucking on day by day, today was hot had to get up a 5am and go service trucks, then put a fuel pump in a 2002 tahoe so was a busy day and still found time to help a friend swap tires on his car. Each day gets better for me as i find me more and more, Its always seems to be lost to me why we never have fun any more, why else are we here, to do the best we can and enjoy what we make for our selfs in life, to help each other live life the best we can with what we have, to smile at all we find wonderful in life, to touch and feel in life, the heart closes and we become so lost in this world, we work to build a life and then never enjoy it, why not just smile and say well i did the best i could and thats enough for now.. In the past i worried about such stupid shit in life, i was looking for some one or something to make me happy but it was inside me all the time, all i had to do is find it agine, lost but not forgotten, I might not be the best looking or the riches or drive the best cars but i'm happy for what i have and i feel happy inside at this point in life so what the hell, i stole this picture at a site i read all the time loved the way she is heading for the gate..Well guess i ragged on your ears long enough for now ,,,chow

good day

another good day here slowly cleaning out my back yard and getting me stright and thats all i can do... their comes a time in your life were you see what is important in your life and what is not and thats were i'm at right now, i saw this picture and though it fit my mood plus love the water with the hills in the back ground, i'm good and getting better by the day , trying to quit smoking and that is going well only had 2 today got the patch on so wired as all hell, and tuesday i plan to smoke none need to start working out so i don't put on weight so fast and see if i have more get up and go power.. but gone from two packs to just 2 proud of my self, will see how it goes, but hope all is well out there in blog land and hope to spend more time on here soon... to all have a wonderful night...eddie

the close of another day

Well the end of the day comes once agine, but it was a good day , worked hard and made money so can't complain much, would be better if i felt i was doing more in life but do the best i can for now, soon things will be set right and i can move on in till then i will get by.. look forward to a new life...eddie

Still here!!!

Armed with a closed heart and a cold out look on the world i still wake up every day and look upon the world and see all the wonderful things here, as i walk out side into the cold i see the wonder of color in the land, every thing is blooming, the sky is so very blue with white cloulds blowing by, the green of the grass on the ground, the smell of the new everywhere puts a smile on my face, its nice to see that no matter what happens around me that a higher power still cares to change the world and make it all new agine..Been working hard on life and understanding the feeling i carry every day, at times i'm lost and need two loving arms to hold me tight in the dark and then i'm a loner facing the world and being strong, but every day brings new wonderful things to see, slowly i find me and get on track . but all in all i'm happy with me and glad god put me here to face the world, he's got my back.........eddie

Somewhere I Belong..

I've sit here now in my little pretend world for over a year now telling myself things will work out, but i see now i have just been telling myself a lie, i sit here day in and day out numb, cut off from the world, I want to feel, to heal, to live agine, to be held agine and loved, to be close and feel a heart beating next to me, to look in someones eyes and know they love me. For so long now i have spent my whole life just staying were i felt safe even when i knew i would get hurt. I'm 49 now and starting to beleive what my mom told me so many years ago, she knew what i would not see in life. She told me that their was no place for me in this world, that i did not belong in todays time line, and i feel she was right, the more i look at my life and what i wanted i see that nothing worked out the way i want it to, the only thing i feel good about is my kids, 4 of them i helped to raise, but they are wonderful kids that are so very speacel in their own way, and i love them dearly. but the rest of my life and the love i wanted never came to past, i've always been the on the outside looking in , seeing every one find such love in there life's, people i watched share there love with one another but i could never seem to find that hidden love in my life..

I come to a cross roads in my life were i can look at myself and see the cruel joke that life has played on me, every thing i wanted to find just passed me by or i fucked it up. I get up every day and have to fight off the depression inside just to get out the door, and i tell myself it can only get better but it never happens, i'm tired of fighting and ready to end this war inside myself, only god knows why i'm here any more, and we seem to have not talked in a while. I really seem to be at a lost place right now, i've looked at my demons in my darkest place in my mind and they look back at me with hate and tell me its to late to save myself, but life goes on and on, I have alot of work to do on me, i sit here feeling sorry for my self ands its time i got off my ass and told the world to fuck off, i've be alone most of my life any way but it would be so nice just to feel loved of only for a moment in life, intill then i'm here, i breath, i see, i feel, sorry my life is so boreing, i keep feeling like i'm letting some one down, me......, i beleave in me i will survive if just tell the ones that hurt me to bite me...eddie

I'm Alive

Yep i'm still alive, sorry to let you know that, know some people wish i would fall off the face of the world but what can i say, things are good and just working on life and cars trying to find my way in the world like everyone else, thought i would start bloging agine and see if i can do better at it, need something to put my spare time in, hope to see you all soon...eddie

Happy turkey dayyyyy

Well another turkey day has come and the wild bird chase is on, people fighting over the big peace of bird agine, to all out there in blog land enjoy your day with your love ones and have a very wonderful turkey day......eddie

A New Way Of Life!!!!!

I thought this way funny, so many people try to find love online and yes i have looked a few times, some of the storys you read are so funny. Well life moves on and slowly i'am putting the peaces of me back together the way i want them, takes time and not a easy thing at times but i'm tough and have a great since of how i want me to be in life, so many people have told me to find a new love or just get layed, but it is just to soon for me, i'm content to be just me right now , i like not having anyone expect anything of me, if i shave fine, if not fine, i can do what i want when i want. I have more time for the things in life i want to do and its been so long since i just had to worry about just me, Yes there are things i miss about my wife but slowly they fade away. I have time for working on me alone, no hopes but to be the best i can be for me and thats enough for right now, and i really don't care what anyone thinks of me any more, i have missed blogging but i needed to clear out the old head were i could think about life and the things i want, i'm content with my life, i have helped rise 4 kids and have seen more in life than most people have, my life is good and i have a roof over my head, food on the table, i have a job i love and a lot of people don't have that much in life, i have met some very nice people on line( peanut,deb,toasty) and a lot more than i can name. I read threw people's life's on blogs and i feel i'am not the only one with a sad life, shit happens and its better to talk about it than to bury it, i read blogs dayly and feel it helps me. well guess thats all for now to all enjoy life like there is no day comming because it may not....Eddie

A better day!!!!

Well the rain is still here, tooth hurts and Im behind on work due to the rain but all in all i feel better inside. Brat is out of town for a week and its just me and the boy, lets me see what it will be like to live alone without a woman around(not bad) Got to go to the doctor today for tooth and have a motor to finish if rain ever stops, my back yard is like mush right now,got a new sony sure shot so plan to do a lot more pictures of my work and things i like. I really do thank you all for the support you have gave me, i can see a light at the end of the tunnel and i know i will be fine when all the dust clears, the last few days have been kind of nice just to be here by my self , i have had some fun messing with the boy and his friends, did some house work and just been me, sitting here drinking coffee loving my cat who wants to say hi to every one, Mojo seems to like to blog with me, But all in all i feel more like me today and i like what i see in my future, there all way to many things in this world i love to hide in a hole, don't really know what will happen with brat but what ever happens i will survive and live life and have fun. When brat gets back and has time to rest maybe we can sit down and calmly talk about the future and get some things stright about what we want to do with our life's. But for now work and pets are my life and thats enough for now, well got to go get dressed for doctor and chase cats around the house, to all be safe and have fun in life....Eddie...

Another sunday

Well another working sunday, have trouble trying to keep my mind on the things i need to, a lot of things i just don't understand right now(stupid male thing) but i seem to get by, i feel like this little kittie at times, i tryed to make a life but it got fucked up, guess i was just not worth trying to make a life with. brat goes out of town soon and i look forward to the time with out her here, tired of seeing her giving hugs and telling people she loves them when there's nothing for me, just work and bring the money home is all i feel i'm good for any more, sucks at times. At times i just want to fade away off the face of the earth, but there are many things i love here, I guess if i understand what the hell is going on i could move on, but maybe in time, what i need is a good fast ride, its been a whild since i fired the hog up.

I really love our home and where it is but the strain of being here with her is making it were i don't even want to be here, thinking about a big shed sale and moving on, have had a few people tell me they need room mates hell never know, my home has become a place of lost hope and dreams, broken words, and lost souls, I am just so tired of feeling like such a loser, i know i'm a good person and a lot of people love me but the one i want the most is on some kind of new life so the hell with the old and in with the new.. guess i should have knew this was coming but i held on as long as i could, stupid of me but what can i say and now i'm in the same boat as her x husband, i use to laugh at him but now i know just how he feels, maybe i should start stuffing coke up my nose like him, But thats not me, Don't like drugs of any kind, but the next time i see her x i will tell him i'm sorry because i now know how he must of felt, but on a happy note things are fair in side me, the sooner i move on the better..

The thing i really miss the most is being in someones arms, the closeness, but its been a long time since we shared any thing, as i climb out of this pit i have put myself in i feel a new world open but sad to lose the old one, i see many things i have passed by for a long time, i meet new people all the time, just need to start doing things for me and my kids now, working on my home and making it a home for me and the kids, need to start painting agine and fixing, thinking about changing my bed room, want something new, something of my own with a door, not a walk threw, have many things i want to do but have to wait intill she finds what she wants to do, she told me i could keep the house for me and the boy but things change so who knows what will happen day to day... Once in a life time you find someone you really want to spend the rest of your life with and i just always seem to pick the wrong ones, will be content to be by my self with just friends in my life, have many things i want to do and see, want to teach the boy to ride my bike, he's never really been on a ride, felt the wind fly by a 90 miles an hour and to see all the sites along the ride, nothing better in life any more, in time that will happen, need to find him a small bike to learn on and then open road calls, well got to go, have paper work to do, will be back soon, to all have fun or die trying to......Eddie

Funny as hell!!!!!!

I thought this was so fitting, they need to put him in a pit with a bunch of dogs and let them eat his ass, hopefuly someone one in prison will love dogs enough to teach him a lession, life is fair and things going good , have not been able to free my mind enough to blog the way i want to, so many things in there i want to say but the words will not come to me..., but i get better every day and have very few sad days, i look forward to the day when my soul will be free of this mess and i move on with life one way or the other, i miss the touch of another person and someone to do things with but i'm getting use to being alone, shame alone with some one so close to me but no feeling returned in any way, but one day who knows what will happen in this life...I have hope and drive to make it, won't be down for long, want to thank peanut for stopping by to cheak on me, thanks dear, it helps pull me out of myself, lot of work today and tired, rain missed me so i stayed dry.

Will try to do better at blogging need to find to words i want to say without always talking about my pain, so sick of reading my own words, they always say the same shit, there are so many more important things in life than me all the time, well to all have a wonderful night...eddie

Every mans dream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes folks this is what every man really wants in life, enjoy....eddie

Never sleep alone!!!!!!!

Well this is my room and i share it with the crew, 4 cats and two dogs, the room has changed alot but the baby's are always some where in it, one of them sleeps with me ever night, the rest come and go, pink said i needed to post so here i'am been kind of busy lately so not much time and when i do have time can't seem the find the words i want to write, and yes that's a bull dog with my cats, mojo gives her cat loving all the time and she loves it, when mojo was a little cat he use to sit in her food bowl while she ate and she never once got mad, just rooted him around to eat, so don't believe what you hear about bull dogs, its all in the way they are raised, and mine was raised right a big baby, sleeps by my bed and snores worst than me. Been doing good lately have my good days and bad but all in all i get by, work is good and life shows new paths each day, the only thing i really miss is being in her arms at times(and sexxxxxxxxx) hehehe, but i do alright by myself, learning to count on me only and standing taller every day. I live for me now, don't care what people think of me i do the best i can at this time and it will only get better as time moves on, little things seem to mean a lot more to me than they ever did, i take time to look at the wonderful things around me that god put here for us, or who ever you think put it all here, don't won't to upset anyone here..., but i do plan to blog more just getting me straight first so that i can come on here and not be so lost for words, got to get me something to take picture with so i can post more of them, i see such wonderful shit every day, stuff that most people just walk by and never see, so we will see what happens here... well pink i posted just for you dear, thanks for wanting me to, its nice to know someone really wants to hear about my life in this big old world, to all the blog people out there have a wonderful night and be safe......Eddie

Head out of ass day!!!!

Well not yet!! But thought i would get my head out of my ass and write something, things are busy lately and hot as hell or raining, great fl weather, sitting here with train playing and a big cup of coffee, thinking about getting in the hot tub and soaking my worrys away( and helping my back), will write more another day, for now be safe and enjoy life, and a speacel prayer goes out to (((((((peanut)))))))) may it all work out dear and be safe, out of here for now....Eddie

One of those moods

Have you ever lost someone and known they were the best part of you, well that the way i feel tonight, i know i should not be feeling this way but sometimes i still do, I was part of something that was so good and let it slip away, and nights like this just seem to remind me of the sweet things i miss. 16 years ago i fell in love with a sweet set of green eyes that has a sweetness that goes with it, tall and lean with a great since of love making, long sweet arms, with legs that go on forever. She showed me how to live agine, in her arms i grew to know love and what love was about, but i never knew the last lession till now, i should have not worried about any thing she did, should have just been happy that she was with me, because none of it was important as long as she loved me, hard lession to learn if your male.

We go threw life not caring about the things we should care about, like a sweet set of arms around you late at nite, someone to share a hot cup of coffee on a cold day, someone to love you no matter what you do. To feel a sweet nude body next to you late at night and to know she's there because she wants to be, things like that i miss right now, I see her everyday i see those green eyes and i know they are no longer mine, my fault, can't really blame noone but my self.

Now don't think i'm sitting here crying in my milk, just one of those nights that i really miss her, and would trade my left nut to have her back, but each day i get better, in the day i'm strong and do what i have to, i thank about her and it puts a big smile on my face, but all in all i wish her happyness in life, and hope she finds her happy place she needs. well will run for now, to all have a wonderful night...eddie

Something new!!!!

I found this the other day and just had to have some, with the trouble i have had with my blog lately and some people thinking i write only about them, i thought i would get something to help, this is the new improved asshole repellent, one spray and assholes just go away, but on a real note things are good with me, better everyday, work doing ok and life calming down, i look at things alot better now and make the most of what i have in life, want to change the look of my blog but there seems to be a short between me and blogger, but working on it, got my ass wet today out in the rain working on a truck, and then put a water pump on for ten pounds of shrimp, big ones too, hope to have things fixed around here soon had trouble with the roof it leaked like you were outside in the shed, got that done and now have to fix the fire place will have all done soon, putting a motor in a truck plus service all week so a great week, well will write more soon...Eddie