the close of another day

Well the end of the day comes once agine, but it was a good day , worked hard and made money so can't complain much, would be better if i felt i was doing more in life but do the best i can for now, soon things will be set right and i can move on in till then i will get by.. look forward to a new life...eddie

Still here!!!

Armed with a closed heart and a cold out look on the world i still wake up every day and look upon the world and see all the wonderful things here, as i walk out side into the cold i see the wonder of color in the land, every thing is blooming, the sky is so very blue with white cloulds blowing by, the green of the grass on the ground, the smell of the new everywhere puts a smile on my face, its nice to see that no matter what happens around me that a higher power still cares to change the world and make it all new agine..Been working hard on life and understanding the feeling i carry every day, at times i'm lost and need two loving arms to hold me tight in the dark and then i'm a loner facing the world and being strong, but every day brings new wonderful things to see, slowly i find me and get on track . but all in all i'm happy with me and glad god put me here to face the world, he's got my back.........eddie

Somewhere I Belong..

I've sit here now in my little pretend world for over a year now telling myself things will work out, but i see now i have just been telling myself a lie, i sit here day in and day out numb, cut off from the world, I want to feel, to heal, to live agine, to be held agine and loved, to be close and feel a heart beating next to me, to look in someones eyes and know they love me. For so long now i have spent my whole life just staying were i felt safe even when i knew i would get hurt. I'm 49 now and starting to beleive what my mom told me so many years ago, she knew what i would not see in life. She told me that their was no place for me in this world, that i did not belong in todays time line, and i feel she was right, the more i look at my life and what i wanted i see that nothing worked out the way i want it to, the only thing i feel good about is my kids, 4 of them i helped to raise, but they are wonderful kids that are so very speacel in their own way, and i love them dearly. but the rest of my life and the love i wanted never came to past, i've always been the on the outside looking in , seeing every one find such love in there life's, people i watched share there love with one another but i could never seem to find that hidden love in my life..

I come to a cross roads in my life were i can look at myself and see the cruel joke that life has played on me, every thing i wanted to find just passed me by or i fucked it up. I get up every day and have to fight off the depression inside just to get out the door, and i tell myself it can only get better but it never happens, i'm tired of fighting and ready to end this war inside myself, only god knows why i'm here any more, and we seem to have not talked in a while. I really seem to be at a lost place right now, i've looked at my demons in my darkest place in my mind and they look back at me with hate and tell me its to late to save myself, but life goes on and on, I have alot of work to do on me, i sit here feeling sorry for my self ands its time i got off my ass and told the world to fuck off, i've be alone most of my life any way but it would be so nice just to feel loved of only for a moment in life, intill then i'm here, i breath, i see, i feel, sorry my life is so boreing, i keep feeling like i'm letting some one down, me......, i beleave in me i will survive if just tell the ones that hurt me to bite me...eddie

I'm Alive

Yep i'm still alive, sorry to let you know that, know some people wish i would fall off the face of the world but what can i say, things are good and just working on life and cars trying to find my way in the world like everyone else, thought i would start bloging agine and see if i can do better at it, need something to put my spare time in, hope to see you all soon...eddie

Happy turkey dayyyyy

Well another turkey day has come and the wild bird chase is on, people fighting over the big peace of bird agine, to all out there in blog land enjoy your day with your love ones and have a very wonderful turkey day......eddie

A New Way Of Life!!!!!

I thought this way funny, so many people try to find love online and yes i have looked a few times, some of the storys you read are so funny. Well life moves on and slowly i'am putting the peaces of me back together the way i want them, takes time and not a easy thing at times but i'm tough and have a great since of how i want me to be in life, so many people have told me to find a new love or just get layed, but it is just to soon for me, i'm content to be just me right now , i like not having anyone expect anything of me, if i shave fine, if not fine, i can do what i want when i want. I have more time for the things in life i want to do and its been so long since i just had to worry about just me, Yes there are things i miss about my wife but slowly they fade away. I have time for working on me alone, no hopes but to be the best i can be for me and thats enough for right now, and i really don't care what anyone thinks of me any more, i have missed blogging but i needed to clear out the old head were i could think about life and the things i want, i'm content with my life, i have helped rise 4 kids and have seen more in life than most people have, my life is good and i have a roof over my head, food on the table, i have a job i love and a lot of people don't have that much in life, i have met some very nice people on line( peanut,deb,toasty) and a lot more than i can name. I read threw people's life's on blogs and i feel i'am not the only one with a sad life, shit happens and its better to talk about it than to bury it, i read blogs dayly and feel it helps me. well guess thats all for now to all enjoy life like there is no day comming because it may not....Eddie

A better day!!!!

Well the rain is still here, tooth hurts and Im behind on work due to the rain but all in all i feel better inside. Brat is out of town for a week and its just me and the boy, lets me see what it will be like to live alone without a woman around(not bad) Got to go to the doctor today for tooth and have a motor to finish if rain ever stops, my back yard is like mush right now,got a new sony sure shot so plan to do a lot more pictures of my work and things i like. I really do thank you all for the support you have gave me, i can see a light at the end of the tunnel and i know i will be fine when all the dust clears, the last few days have been kind of nice just to be here by my self , i have had some fun messing with the boy and his friends, did some house work and just been me, sitting here drinking coffee loving my cat who wants to say hi to every one, Mojo seems to like to blog with me, But all in all i feel more like me today and i like what i see in my future, there all way to many things in this world i love to hide in a hole, don't really know what will happen with brat but what ever happens i will survive and live life and have fun. When brat gets back and has time to rest maybe we can sit down and calmly talk about the future and get some things stright about what we want to do with our life's. But for now work and pets are my life and thats enough for now, well got to go get dressed for doctor and chase cats around the house, to all be safe and have fun in life....Eddie...

Another sunday

Well another working sunday, have trouble trying to keep my mind on the things i need to, a lot of things i just don't understand right now(stupid male thing) but i seem to get by, i feel like this little kittie at times, i tryed to make a life but it got fucked up, guess i was just not worth trying to make a life with. brat goes out of town soon and i look forward to the time with out her here, tired of seeing her giving hugs and telling people she loves them when there's nothing for me, just work and bring the money home is all i feel i'm good for any more, sucks at times. At times i just want to fade away off the face of the earth, but there are many things i love here, I guess if i understand what the hell is going on i could move on, but maybe in time, what i need is a good fast ride, its been a whild since i fired the hog up.

I really love our home and where it is but the strain of being here with her is making it were i don't even want to be here, thinking about a big shed sale and moving on, have had a few people tell me they need room mates hell never know, my home has become a place of lost hope and dreams, broken words, and lost souls, I am just so tired of feeling like such a loser, i know i'm a good person and a lot of people love me but the one i want the most is on some kind of new life so the hell with the old and in with the new.. guess i should have knew this was coming but i held on as long as i could, stupid of me but what can i say and now i'm in the same boat as her x husband, i use to laugh at him but now i know just how he feels, maybe i should start stuffing coke up my nose like him, But thats not me, Don't like drugs of any kind, but the next time i see her x i will tell him i'm sorry because i now know how he must of felt, but on a happy note things are fair in side me, the sooner i move on the better..

The thing i really miss the most is being in someones arms, the closeness, but its been a long time since we shared any thing, as i climb out of this pit i have put myself in i feel a new world open but sad to lose the old one, i see many things i have passed by for a long time, i meet new people all the time, just need to start doing things for me and my kids now, working on my home and making it a home for me and the kids, need to start painting agine and fixing, thinking about changing my bed room, want something new, something of my own with a door, not a walk threw, have many things i want to do but have to wait intill she finds what she wants to do, she told me i could keep the house for me and the boy but things change so who knows what will happen day to day... Once in a life time you find someone you really want to spend the rest of your life with and i just always seem to pick the wrong ones, will be content to be by my self with just friends in my life, have many things i want to do and see, want to teach the boy to ride my bike, he's never really been on a ride, felt the wind fly by a 90 miles an hour and to see all the sites along the ride, nothing better in life any more, in time that will happen, need to find him a small bike to learn on and then open road calls, well got to go, have paper work to do, will be back soon, to all have fun or die trying to......Eddie

Funny as hell!!!!!!

I thought this was so fitting, they need to put him in a pit with a bunch of dogs and let them eat his ass, hopefuly someone one in prison will love dogs enough to teach him a lession, life is fair and things going good , have not been able to free my mind enough to blog the way i want to, so many things in there i want to say but the words will not come to me..., but i get better every day and have very few sad days, i look forward to the day when my soul will be free of this mess and i move on with life one way or the other, i miss the touch of another person and someone to do things with but i'm getting use to being alone, shame alone with some one so close to me but no feeling returned in any way, but one day who knows what will happen in this life...I have hope and drive to make it, won't be down for long, want to thank peanut for stopping by to cheak on me, thanks dear, it helps pull me out of myself, lot of work today and tired, rain missed me so i stayed dry.

Will try to do better at blogging need to find to words i want to say without always talking about my pain, so sick of reading my own words, they always say the same shit, there are so many more important things in life than me all the time, well to all have a wonderful night...eddie

Every mans dream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes folks this is what every man really wants in life, enjoy....eddie

Never sleep alone!!!!!!!

Well this is my room and i share it with the crew, 4 cats and two dogs, the room has changed alot but the baby's are always some where in it, one of them sleeps with me ever night, the rest come and go, pink said i needed to post so here i'am been kind of busy lately so not much time and when i do have time can't seem the find the words i want to write, and yes that's a bull dog with my cats, mojo gives her cat loving all the time and she loves it, when mojo was a little cat he use to sit in her food bowl while she ate and she never once got mad, just rooted him around to eat, so don't believe what you hear about bull dogs, its all in the way they are raised, and mine was raised right a big baby, sleeps by my bed and snores worst than me. Been doing good lately have my good days and bad but all in all i get by, work is good and life shows new paths each day, the only thing i really miss is being in her arms at times(and sexxxxxxxxx) hehehe, but i do alright by myself, learning to count on me only and standing taller every day. I live for me now, don't care what people think of me i do the best i can at this time and it will only get better as time moves on, little things seem to mean a lot more to me than they ever did, i take time to look at the wonderful things around me that god put here for us, or who ever you think put it all here, don't won't to upset anyone here..., but i do plan to blog more just getting me straight first so that i can come on here and not be so lost for words, got to get me something to take picture with so i can post more of them, i see such wonderful shit every day, stuff that most people just walk by and never see, so we will see what happens here... well pink i posted just for you dear, thanks for wanting me to, its nice to know someone really wants to hear about my life in this big old world, to all the blog people out there have a wonderful night and be safe......Eddie

Head out of ass day!!!!

Well not yet!! But thought i would get my head out of my ass and write something, things are busy lately and hot as hell or raining, great fl weather, sitting here with train playing and a big cup of coffee, thinking about getting in the hot tub and soaking my worrys away( and helping my back), will write more another day, for now be safe and enjoy life, and a speacel prayer goes out to (((((((peanut)))))))) may it all work out dear and be safe, out of here for now....Eddie

One of those moods

Have you ever lost someone and known they were the best part of you, well that the way i feel tonight, i know i should not be feeling this way but sometimes i still do, I was part of something that was so good and let it slip away, and nights like this just seem to remind me of the sweet things i miss. 16 years ago i fell in love with a sweet set of green eyes that has a sweetness that goes with it, tall and lean with a great since of love making, long sweet arms, with legs that go on forever. She showed me how to live agine, in her arms i grew to know love and what love was about, but i never knew the last lession till now, i should have not worried about any thing she did, should have just been happy that she was with me, because none of it was important as long as she loved me, hard lession to learn if your male.

We go threw life not caring about the things we should care about, like a sweet set of arms around you late at nite, someone to share a hot cup of coffee on a cold day, someone to love you no matter what you do. To feel a sweet nude body next to you late at night and to know she's there because she wants to be, things like that i miss right now, I see her everyday i see those green eyes and i know they are no longer mine, my fault, can't really blame noone but my self.

Now don't think i'm sitting here crying in my milk, just one of those nights that i really miss her, and would trade my left nut to have her back, but each day i get better, in the day i'm strong and do what i have to, i thank about her and it puts a big smile on my face, but all in all i wish her happyness in life, and hope she finds her happy place she needs. well will run for now, to all have a wonderful night...eddie

Something new!!!!

I found this the other day and just had to have some, with the trouble i have had with my blog lately and some people thinking i write only about them, i thought i would get something to help, this is the new improved asshole repellent, one spray and assholes just go away, but on a real note things are good with me, better everyday, work doing ok and life calming down, i look at things alot better now and make the most of what i have in life, want to change the look of my blog but there seems to be a short between me and blogger, but working on it, got my ass wet today out in the rain working on a truck, and then put a water pump on for ten pounds of shrimp, big ones too, hope to have things fixed around here soon had trouble with the roof it leaked like you were outside in the shed, got that done and now have to fix the fire place will have all done soon, putting a motor in a truck plus service all week so a great week, well will write more soon...Eddie

something funny

Thought i would give you all something to laugh at tonight, this is me at sweet 16 getting ready to go to the prom with my sister, her date canceled out on her so i went with her, i had a wonderful time and this was the only suit i could rent in one hour time frame, it was a good night and i got to hang out with all the older kids, will have my blog up to full steam soon, to all have a wonderful night...eddie

working on blog

working on my blog making changes will have it back up soon, eddie

My Blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First off let me thank everyone for there coments on my last post, it was good to hear that some people think i should keep my blog, so thank you very much, second off let me say i'm sorry for even getting my self in such a place in my mind that i would let someones actions take something away from me i really like. I'm going to keep my blog like it is, i'm not going to hide it, and i'm going to say what i feel when i want to, and if anyone don't like it well sorry but thats me, I admit i'am not the best writer, or i might not spell every little thing right, but i do the best i can at this point and time in life, i'm sorry that i might not be good enought for every one in this world but if i was it would be a boring place..

Over the past 6 months since me and my wife split up i have learned many things about my self, i'am far from perfect but i have looked at the eye of the beast and the parts of me that are wrong i'am fixing, and not for no one but me, i will be the best i can and be happy in life, as far as my wife goes she is a good person who i will always wish the best for in life, it takes two to make or break what we had, we both broke it, and thats all i have to say on it, as far as writing about friends from now on i will use names so people won't think i'm talking about them only and that way there won't be any one getting mad... i could have gave a shit about someone being mad at me but it ended up putting pressure on my wife which she really don't need right now, i want us both to be able to find what we want in life and to be happy and remain friends..

Today is the first day of the rest of my life and life is to short for drama, I plan to live, and to find the things that put a smile on my face, going to start doing cookouts agine, fishing, and just have a little fun in life, nice bike rides, have to work out some to work on the parts of me that need to change a little, i weigh a whole 170 pounds, 6foot 1 inch tall and not to bad looking, some little kids still run when they see me,hehehe, joke there, but all in all i feel much better today, but i would really like to thank every one for the support, thankyou, well to all have a wonderful nite...eddie

More pictures of greg for tiffany

Tif no matter what any one ever says about your dad, know dear that he touched the life's of many people and made there life's better for knowing him, he was funny, and one hell of a friend, he was smart and loved to fish and shrimp, but most of all dear he was a man with a heart as big as the world, he gave all to what he did in life and he loved his children with all that he was, if we went some where fishing , me him, and al we took als camper and shrimped all nite, he loved to joke and know dear that he watches over you even now, when you get older and want to know more about your dad call me and some of the storys i could tell will put a big smile on your face, know that he was like my brother and that i loved him, know that when life was at a low for me he was there for me, he was a good man in a world of fools dear...eddie

My Last Post

Well this is to let people know that my lost post about friends was about friends over years not just one, it was not intented to piss anyone off, sorry it was taking the wrong way, over the last 20 years i have had a lot of people that i have thought were friends that just are gone now. The last post was about all of them not just one, so so sorry if any one got offended by it but maybe people should be willing to listen to why i wrote the post and who it was really about before they get mad, now that would be a true friend, well sorry any way to who ever it may have upset...eddie

What i've done- a song-linkin park

I heard this song the other day and loved the words, linkin park is a great band in the way they put so much in there songs....

In this farewell

there's no blood

there's no alibi

cause i've drawn regret

from the truth

of a thousand lies

so let mercy come

and wash away

what i've done

I've faced myself

to cross out i've become

Erase myself

and let go of what i've done

put to rest what you thought

of me well i cleaned this slate

with the hands of uncertainty

For what i've done i'll start again

And whatever pain may come

today this ends i'm forgiving

What i've done

I've faced myself to cross out

what i've become, erase myself

and let go of what i've done...

I listen to this song and it let me know what i need to do with me, its time to let go of all the pain i blame my self for, time to let go and move on with life, to live again and to find what i've lost in life, Me